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how to pick up chicks

i was in between marriages and one day found myself riding the subway standing over a cute girl with paint all over her jeans holding a tackle box in her lap.  
‘catch anything?’ i asked when our eyes met.  
'no,’…

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make-up

once again, a young woman sits down next to me on the subway and goes to town putting on her face. stop after stop she brushes and lines and powders and darkens and lightens, making a stirring racket in her…

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champions

we beat you!!! yeaaahhh!! 
you suck! we rule!! yeaahhhhh!! i knew we could do it. i’ve been waiting my WHOLE LIFE for this. now i’m going turn over some cars and light some shit on fire. whooooooo!!! wait. what? we…

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subway dispatch

someone is playing their loud video game on their phone so i do what i always do and start scrolling through the sounds of MY phone, lingering on the most obnoxious one, repeating it everytime they kill someone or jump…

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the south

when i grew up in st. louis, i never thought of missouri as the south…till i played my first paying gig at the age of 16 in the town of bonne terre in a biker bar about 5o miles south…

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organics

i was in the health food part of my grocery store today - it’s a whole seperate floor - and the house music was this typical, crappy, auto-tuned, nasaly, overly melismatic singer w backing tracks that came out of a…

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make-up 2

a woman gets on and sits directly across from me. within seconds she is into her handbag. out comes the….deodorant? i have articluated my annoyance at people who do their grooming on the subway but this is a first. and…

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the lady

bus driver: miss, u are $1.40 short.  
lady: no. this is a weekly card.  
bd: no, it isn’t. if it were the machine would read ‘expired’ and instead it reads u are a $1.40 short.  
lady: this is a weekly…

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the scarab speaks

jazz is dred 
america is dred
  
low-fat is a lie
  
you cover dead people with lye  



i don’t play the piano 

i play a box with a big metal board in it  

upon which a series of strings is…