the piping plover

this just happened...knock at my door followed immediately by two long rings of my buzzer. 
i say, 'i heard you the first time,' as i open the door with one hand and balance the piece of pizza i was eating in the other. it's a cop. he's got a green coat on. not nypd. his partner flanking me down the hall about 5 feet away is wearing a more fatigue-like uni, baseball cap, boots. 
'are you dred scott?' 
'yes.' 
'can we come in and talk to you?' 
'no, i'll come out.' 
i go in and put the piece of pizza on the counter, grab my phone and go into the hallway. 
'were you at ft. tilden park yesterday?' 
'yes.' 
'what were you doing there?' 
i'm thinking, shit, did i park too close to the piping plover sanctuary? the sign said i could park there. and we were careful not to walk in the habitat the whole time we were there. 
'uh...i went to the beach with my wife and daughter.' 
the talking cop looks at his partner. 
'did you happen to see a volleyball game while you were there?' 
what? volleyball. wtf? did a volleyball go into the piping plover habitat? we had a volleyball we were playing with but it never went into the dunes. and i'm thinking...no. there were only a few other people on the beach. and nobody was playing volleyball. oh! yes... 
'yes! yes, we did! it was on the way out of the park. 2 girls were whooping 4 girls on the other side. i stopped to show my daughter.' 
'did you say anything to the girls?' 
'yeah, something like you guys are really good. they said, thanks. we drove away.' 
'uh-huh. that's exactly what the complaint says.' 
'what complaint?' 
'did you happen to notice a woman on a bicycle?' 
'no.' 
'well, she photographed your plate and filed a complaint that you were leering at the girls. and that you said what you said you said. i asked her, did he have his genitalia out.' 
'WHAT??!!' i'm getting this isn't about the piping plover. this is about MY piping plover. 
'we have to ask. we get that, you know?' the other one talks for the first time. 
'she said, no, you didn't have it out' the first one says. 'and i told her then he's not doing anything wrong. even if he takes pictures.' 
this is getting absurd. 
'so you guys are here because i wasn't doing anything wrong, even if i wasn't with my family doing nothing wrong.' 
'she asked us to talk to you. we said we would and now we have. i'm sorry to waste your time and ours.' 
'who is this woman? she must be connected somehow to get you to investigate something for her that isn't even a crime. or are you guys just that bored out there?' 
'have a nice day, sir.'

4 comments

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